I don't even know where to start. I hate him as much as I love him right now. I'm grieving for what I thought having him would be.

He's violent, impulsive, doesn't follow instructions, hurts his little brother, hurts me, doesn't play "properly". He pooed on his bed today. He's pooed on the table and also on the laminate floor (floor needed pulling up as it went in the cracks...it WAS quite old though). He doesnt sleep through. Finds it hard to drop off so we have to sit with him. If we leave him he escalates his behaviour and is very very distressed.
He rarely gives cuddles. Doesnt like kisses. Doesn't like singing. Music he likes if it meets his approval.
He pulls his hair out in chunks.

Yesterday at my mums was just awful. My husband spent his whole time trying to stop him destroying the place.

I cant even have a conversation on the phone while I have him or leave him and his brother alone unattended to put the washing away.

I'm a wreck. We are entitled to 15h preschool finding and if they close I don't know what I'll do. I didn't imagine life would be like this. I'm worn down and tired.